No Kids Allowed: Top 10 Things You Can Do If You Don’t Have Them

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We’ll get to the joys of being a parent next week but before we do, we have to shine a light on some of the things that you can do more of when you choose not to bring a child into this world.

10. Go Out Freely

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No finding a babysitter and hoping they don’t cancel. You can just leave the house whenever because you know all you need to do to insure your pet’s cool is to leave some food and water in some bowls they can get to.

9. Sleep More

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Have you ever seen a new parent? The bags under their eyes are surreal. It’s like…how have humans failed to evolve to understand that nothing is wrong with their life when they are two-months old. Cry when you’re 28 and rent’s due.

8. Have a Cleaner Home

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This one is a little lower on the list because I know adults who don’t have kids who are pigs. So we can’t really put too much blame on kids for making a mess…

7. Binge TV without Interruptions

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I’m not really sure when my mom gets to enjoy TV anymore with my nephew constantly watching the hell out of Kung Fu Panda, or bothering her when she’s trying to get in an episode of The Voice.

6. Shop For You

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Formula, toys, a Peppa Pig DVD…those are never on the shopping list of someone who opted not to have kids, right? I hope not. What you need with that Peppa Pig doll?

5. Travel Lighter

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Last week I packed about six different outfits for my four days at my mom’s for Thanksgiving…and I am only one person. I can’t even imagine packing for a child. Then there’s the thought of having to pay for their ass to board a plane and all that jazz.

4.Have More Time for Hobbies

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We’re talking more than crafts from Pinterest that revolve around kids.

3. Finish Only Your Meal

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On one hand you get more food, on the other hand you get more inches on your waist when you think you have to go ahead and finish a child’s plate.

2. Read More than Dr. Seuss

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Without kids you can head to your local bookstore or library and never once step into the children’s section and live a life void of the latest celebrity memoir.

1. Pamper Yourself without Guilt

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A lot of parents, my mother included, absolutely hate putting their needs in any way before their kids. When you don’t have any, that is not a problem at all.

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