Unaltered Lifestyles After the Alter

brooke
One of the first people to hear about this blog/project was Brooke Segarra. She’s a friend I’ve never met face to face, but someone admirable I’ve come to know over the years thanks to blogging about this and that because she too is a writer as well as a publicist. Anyways, when she told me she’d actually gotten married at 22, I knew she was the person to ask about this week’s topic and what she had to say surprised me.

Here I was thinking that once you were married, everything changed but from the perspective of a 24-year-old wife married to a director of photography in New York – not much changed when it came to their social circles once they said “I do.” Now let’s get to more from Brooke about how tying the knot did, or rather didn’t, affect her friendships.

Kendra: Compared to a lot of women today, you got married very young. Did you get any shade because of your decision to tie the knot earlier than most of your peers would?

Brooke Segarra: Oh my goodness, yes. Not just from my peers either, but from people two-three times my age as well. I would say that anyone my age who threw shade, didn’t really know my husband and I or our relationship very well, which led them to make far-fetched judgements. I think it’s safe to say that anyone older than us who casted shade was only doing so because they weren’t very happy with their own circumstances. I think they meant well with their words of caution, though.

tinder
Kendra: Do you feel a little more mature than your friends now that you’re a wife? Perhaps you can’t understand their Tinder adventures and wild nights with randoms anymore and judge because you’re in a very committed relationship?

Brooke: Absolutely not. I know exactly where all my friends are coming from, and I would never cast judgement on them for their dating lifestyle. When it comes down to it we all experience the same twenty-something attitudes, insecurities, apprehensions, and ambitions. Even if I was single right now, my romantic experiences would share similarities and differences with my friends’ experiences. It’s no different now that I’m married. We can all talk about intimacy, sex, arguments, whatever.

Kendra: So hanging out as a couple is one thing when you’re casually dating, but did you notice any change when you two got married and started to hang around with your single friends?

Brooke: No, especially not with people who knew my husband and I before we got married. Sometimes with new friends who’ve never met my husband before, I can tell there’s some anxiety about them becoming the third wheel, but after we all hang out for the first time they realize that we’re all just people enjoying and connecting with one another. It’s really no different than if I was hanging out with a friend and invited my cousin to come along.

Kendra: This is actually one of the storylines this season on New Girl. Schmidt and Cece realizing they may need more married friends. Did that occur to you two after the wedding?

Brooke: It didn’t, but maybe that’s also because we knew they’d be pretty hard to find within our age bracket. We both have a lot of friends who are currently in long-term relationships. A decent amount of our friends have been dating much longer than we’ve been together as a dating and married couple combined.

newgirl
Kendra: When you make friends now, are you and your husband a packaged deal or do you keep different social circles?

Brooke: I would never say we’re a package deal, but I would say that we have the same social circles for the most part. We definitely have certain people or friend groups that we are each closer with, but there are reasons for that. For example, those people are my husband’s co-workers or that’s a friend group I’ve had since I was ten years old.

Kendra: Be honest, have you or your husband ever stopped hanging out with someone because the other wasn’t feeling them?

Brooke: If that ever happened, I think we would just hang out with that person independently.

Kendra: Let’s talk about friends of the opposite sex. That can cause a little drama for couples across the board. Was that ever a problem for you? Did it become less or more of one when you became man and wife?

Brooke: I think in the beginning it was a little awkward because we still had to get to know and learn about each other’s friends. For instance, my best friend after my husband is a guy, but he was at my bachelorette party and was the man of honor at my wedding.

Kendra: Lastly, what’s the biggest high about having friends when you’re married, and the biggest low that comes with it?

Brooke: The biggest high (or plus) is that we have other people in our lives to learn from and can build our support network beyond just one another. The biggest low (or pitfall) is when we don’t make it out to the party everyone blames it on us being a married couple, but it is true though, sometimes we do just want to stay in and be with each other, what can I say?

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