Doree Lewak wrote of being single in The Panic Years and said of your 20’s and 30’s, “…that period in your life where everyone is getting married and you’re well, still single.” So it’s all about how you have to deal with being the single friend, but married people have to deal with that dynamic change as well once they’re married. So single people, don’t just think your friend’s wedding affects you. Once you’re married, you’re not just two people casually dating anymore. You’re a damn pair and with that, friendships can be a little weird. Are your friends now suddenly his friends, or do you keep the two separate?
Personally, I think you keep them apart. Maybe this stems from a dinner where two groups of friends did not mesh well together, but hey – when you come from different worlds, you can’t be expected to get along like long, lost friends. I don’t see that as a problem so long as you aren’t rude to each other’s friends. Also, it doesn’t have to be separate 100% of the time. Have dinner together, go out all together once in awhile but don’t force people to get along because you’re married. You can share the bills, you do not need to share social circles.
Just don’t keep things so separate that on your wedding day you’re meeting one another’s friends for the first time. Queena said something last week that was very profound about not wanting to meet anyone the first time at her wedding. That’s a smart as hell way to think of a guest list.
You of course can all be friends. There’s also nothing wrong with that as well. In a lot of cases I see people getting along very well together and that’s all gravy. It just depends on what kind of personalities you have as a couple. If you’re the socialites – of course you’re going to be best friends with any and all friends your partner has. If you’re more of a shut in, taking in more people may not be the most ideal situation.
This week we’re going to talk more about the idea of friends once you get married. We’ll talk to a woman who got married in her early 20’s (very rare for this day and age), dive into the stages we’re at in life, discuss a show about meeting a mother and of course get into that listicle.