Noting Not to Care

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The one I thanked a couple weeks ago for being my first was never someone I was in a legit relationship but that doesn’t mean when we stopped hanging out and hooking up it hurt any less. I hate how many tears were shed over him, but around the time I was on my fifth roll of toilet paper that was aiding my tearful eyes I heard that damn Demi Lovato song, “Really Don’t Care” and a lightbulb went off in my head. Yeah, why should I sit around and let this dude have that much control over how I felt? People want to overlook pop songs like they have no real meaning but I think every genre has good and bad inside of it because while you may think a particular genre or artist is useless – that style or artist is out there making someone change a some facet of their life. The Tower and The Fool got me to stop crying over my pathetic attempt at adult living, and a few years later Demi was holding me up and helping me out in my first case of heartbreak.

You wanna play, you wanna stay, you wanna have it all
You started messing with my head until I hit a wall
Maybe I should’ve known, maybe I should’ve known
That you would walk, you would walk out the door, hey!

You’d think a former honor roll student (in elementary school) that I would’ve known that he wasn’t into me that way when all he wanted was to hang out in the middle of the night. Messed with my head he did and in retrospect I should’ve known that in the end it would not be me who made him change his Facebook status to “in a relationship.” I was blinded by the premiere affection that I went along with the endless empty promises and was on a cloud of denial until I finally fell through the air and smacked into the ground, was left in a pile of crap and saw him for who he really was. Those signs Karl Pillemer talked about 30 Lessons for Loving were as clear as day in this case and I ignored them like one does the middle child. One too many explosive moments aimed at me should’ve been a tell tale sign, but nope. So it wasn’t until he was gone and I heard this song that I was like, “Fuck this dude.”

Have you ever listened to a song so much that it was literally imprinted in your brain for all of eternity? I don’t have many musical notes in there aside from Backstreet Boys but Demi’s “Really Don’t Care” now sits on a shelf alongside “Get Down” and “Don’t Want You Back.” In good company, that song is still a personal favorite that will forever make me smile wide as it played in the back of my head when months later he sent me a friend request and I ignored him the way he’d done to me. Hope he liked how it felt. I know you’re supposed to be mature about these things, but that’s not the case when they’re not decent on their end.

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