Having watched my own mom balance motherhood and work, I respect all parents because at 29, I barely have my head on straight. I cannot imagine being in charge of one, not to mention two kids and maintaining any actual romance in my life. That’s the difference between me and Venescha Plascencia. She’s a mother, wife and student and doesn’t seem to let one role down while holding up the other. Plus, she does this all two years younger than myself.
At 27 she’s balancing all of this while still technically in the honeymoon phase of her marriage to a man she met over a decade ago. Now we’ll discuss how they came to be, how they make it work and what goes into their marital bliss on a day to day basis.
Kendra: You met your husband years ago when you were just teens. How did you two manage to reconnect all these years later?
Venescha Plascencia: We had always stayed in contact via Myspace and then Facebook. We’d occasionally like each other’s picture or status. One day in the summer of 2011 I realized him and his ex-wife had split up by something he posted. I messaged him to see if he was okay and we never really stopped talking from there. I had no intention of it turning into this but I’m very happy it did.
Kendra: Over the years you two dated other people, obviously – and I’m sure you each loved others along the way but what’s different this time. Can you even start to explain what it feels like when you find that person you want to share your life with?
Venescha: For me it was a scary feeling. Thinking I had “known” I was with the one so many times before and then to feel completely different with someone I’ve known for years was intensely emotional for me. I think for each of us the relationships we had helped shape who we are as a partner today. I personally have learned a ton about myself from each relationship I’ve been in or pursued. I am not sure if we would have survived the long haul if it weren’t for us each growing up (mentally) individually.
Kendra; No relationship is void of problems. What’s a problem or argument you two used to have on the regular that you’ve grown to overcome today?
Venescha: Oh man, I used to be extremely jealous of a few of his female friends. They went from normal girls when he knew them in middle and high school, to these bombshell model types. He would like all of their pictures and I would hate it because I felt I couldn’t live up to the way they looked. I wasn’t confident in myself enough back then, but I am now.
Venescha: I think we both are a lot calmer (or we’re trying real hard to be that way). I have always been an emotional person so any confrontation of any type used to make me burst into tears almost instantly. This used to exacerbate any argument we were having. Now I am better at staying calm and being rational, which I am sure he is very happy about.
Kendra: Onto the positive, your kids. How do you personally feel having children changes a couple’s relationship with one another?
Venescha: It completely changes your relationship. Your relationship is no longer about you and them, it’s about making sure this tiny human survives. After you have kids it is so important to make a conscious effort to see if your partner is happy, and take time for the both of you to be alone and have date nights, if possible. Even now with a 9-year-old and an almost 3-year-old it is important for us to have time that is just ours for us to reconnect and remember why this whole thing started in the first place.
Kendra; What aspect of you and your husband’s relationship do you hope your daughters take and ingrain into theirs when they start dating?
Venescha: I hope from us they see love and respect. I hope they see that no matter how difficult things may be we have always worked hard to stay together and love each other. We hit some rough patches along the way where I thought it might end, but we decided to move past it and stay together. We have never given up on our love.
Kendra: Being in a relationship is easy. What’s hard is making it work. In a book I read there were some keys to making things work; communication, being friends, being a team, acceptance and respect. Which of those is most important to you and your husband?
Venescha: I think they are all connected, honestly. I am not sure that one is more important than the other, rather they all work together. With communication we are best friends and a team, with acceptance and respect. Because we are best friends we are a good team that communicates with acceptance and respect. Being a team means being best friends and communicating that acceptance and respect. And so on. I think when you remove one it can be difficult to keep the other pieces moving and that’s why things don’t work out in the end.
Kendra: Lastly, what’s the ultimate high and low of being in a relationship?
Venescha: The ultimate high is those few moments that take your breath away, the moments that are ingrained in your brain forever. Mine are the time I first saw him in person again after nine years (at Six Flags during Fright Fest under the DC archway), our first real kiss since high school, the birth of our children, his proposal, and our wedding day. The lows are the days when you are forced to sit back and decide how you’re going to fix whatever problem you are going through. When I hit lows, I just think of my highs and I’m reminded why I do this whole thing. I love my husband, my family, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.