Relationship Goals: The BFF You Sleep With

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We’ve talked about online dating and having crushes but what about when those things actually develop into a dun, dun, dun – relationship? That’s when things get interesting because they can last anywhere from a few hours if you’re Britney Spears to decades if you’re those old people in The Notebook. In the end though a relationship, I think, is supposed to feel like dating your best friend – only with more kissing and whatnot. Having your best buddy in bed isn’t the only thing though that makes a relationship work. No matter who you are, there are key elements for success. There are also phases every relationship goes through as well. All of which have their highs and their lows attached to them.

One of my biggest beliefs is that we all have two soulmates out there; one you’ll sleep with and one you will not. So you have your true blue BFF, matching bracelets and everything, and then you have the person you’re most romantically compatible with. Of course it’s insanely easier to find one over the other. Which is why you see WAY more dating sites than “making friends” apps. So when you do find this romantical best friend, it’s special because not only are you happy laying around playing video games or watching TV, you’re also happily satisfying your adult needs. As Hannah Montana once sang, “You get the besssssst of both worlds!”

Of course having a best friend who doubles as your naked companion isn’t the only thing that’ll make a relationship last. Karl Pillemer noted some of the most important attributes to a lasting relationship in 30 Lessons for Loving are:

  • Communication is key. You have to talk to one another because unlike the late Miss Cleo, no one is a mind reader.
  • You have to be a team. One person can’t pull all the weight. If they’re cooking, then you’re cleaning my friend.
  • Acceptance is the golden rule. Just know that you don’t have to accept horrendous flaws. If they’re a serial killer, NO.
  • Respect, which means not tearing one another down. Leave that to their other best buds.

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Couples who adopt and maintain these in their own relationships will likely last longer than our interest in Caitlyn Jenner’s reality show. Therefore they’ll make it through a number of romance phases noted in Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance. The first of course is the honeymoon phase which we’re all familiar. It’s the phase with the most passion. The sex is as constant as the texts and you two are the only one’s in the world. A lot of people find it hard to transition from this phase to the next because once the passion is gone, it gets a little more real and some people may not want that because it mirrors settling down, so they run. If they do make it past that though, they reach a comfy stage which means farting in front of one another isn’t even a thing to mention anymore, it just happens. It also appears that the passion switches gears into the compassion as your love starts to mature. As the years go by, you just become more and more comfortable with one another and that team you created when you agreed to go steady, or whatever it is you say – it becomes your constant.

The idea of finding true love and dating, let alone marrying, your best friend is great but like everything, there are definite downsides. The obvious one being the dreaded break up. Another low of a relationship is feeling like you wasted time with someone when they weren’t “the one.” Then of course you verge on Lifetime Movie when you get into the domestic abuse, cheating and so forth and so on that comes with the negatives of being in a relationship.

We’re going to try and stay positive though as we trudge along this week when we talk to a girl who met the man who’d go on to be her husband when she was in middle school, chat about my boy Matt and I, discuss a cancelled NBC show that was giving me life and was then taken away and of course wrap it up with the usual at the end of the week.

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