The definition of a word like frenemy can change from person to person and for Stephanie, she believes it’s “someone who you’re nice to even though you have an inherent dislike for them,” and I’d agree with her on that. With that, she was willing to talk openly about the ones she’s encountered in her lifetime, especially the one from high school she still deals with all these years later…
Kendra: How many frenemies have you had in your lifetime?
Stephanie: It’s hard to say. I know there were a few growing up – maybe too many to count. I think it’s a natural thing for girls – they’re nice to your face and behind your back they talk shit. We all did it when we were younger. In college, my freshman roommate turned into a frenemy of many years as she continued being friends with the same people I was. Now, it’s more people I work with. And maybe an old high school friend I’m still in touch with.
Kendra: So you’d say the aspect of frenemies does not end once you get older?
Stephanie: I think it’s different when you’re older, but no it doesn’t end. I think there are more situations when you’re older to be nice to and spend time with people you don’t like (people at work, your husband’s girl friends) but there’s less bitchiness maybe?
Kendra: You don’t have to name names, but can you tell us about your most recent frenemy?
Stephanie: I’d say my high school friend that I mentioned earlier. Her and I were never really that close, but we’re sort of the last women of our high school group to stay in touch. I asked her to be in my wedding sort of for that reason, and it just became clear to me how selfish and difficult she is. I was in her wedding as well and now we’ve gone back to only seeing each other for birthdays and stuff. She is just so negative, and I hate all the negative energy around her. But sometimes it’s easier to stay in a friendship than to end it.
Kendra: Do you think both parties usually know what’s up with these types of situations, or is one person usually delusional that that the other doesn’t like them?
Stephanie: I think it depends, but I’d say usually both parties are at least somewhat aware.
Kendra: Just plain avoiding your frenemy is possibly the easiest thing you can do, but do you have any other advice on how to deal with these pains?
Stephanie: I’d say that it’s easier if you don’t focus on the negative. If you have to hang out, don’t allow yourself to talk about all of the annoying shit afterwards because it’ll only make the situation more difficult.
Kendra: Lastly, what is the biggest high and low of having and dealing with a frenemy?
Stephanie: I don’t think there any highs at all…Lows, I think how inauthentic it all feels. I don’t think anyone likes being disingenuous so trying to craft a fake smile and fake concern and fake excitement is really exhausting.