When the “Best” Half Doesn’t Lose “Friend” Half

growing-apart-interview
Growing up in a small town and moving to a city, I’ve come to believe that us small town folk keep our childhood friends closer than the city folks. This is based off thinking about one or two people from the bright lights of Los Angeles, and comparing them to myself and Maria – the woman nice enough to talk about her best friendship this week. While the this week’s topic is about those who’ve grown apart, I think it’s important to talk about the true friends mentioned yesterday who’ve managed to make it from adolescence through adulthood with their “best bud” lockets intact.

For Maria, it’s been almost 15 years since she and her best friend Sara started something that would never end. They poured that lasting foundation their freshman year of high school and since then have been through many milestones including losing loved ones, finding new ones in the form of engagements and marriages and along the way bringing new life into this world. Every step they’ve been there for one another and even though they don’t talk every day like I’m sure they did when they were rocking the best Hot Topic clothing out there, Maria says they keep their lines of communication open, talking throughout the week. Not every friendship will last in life, and many will grow apart from this friend and that – but there are some who keep it true.

Kendra: I remember learning about this in psychology in college. They say when we’re younger we pick friends based on proximity, then as a teen it’s more about interests and likes, and I forget what happens when we’re adults but I’d say it’s about morals and class. Do you agree or disagree with that as you’ve gotten older?

Maria: I agree with that. Being young and in high school, I believe you choose your friends on how often you see them, whether it be in a lot of the same classes or are on the same sports team. Being an young adult, you go into an odd phase where you choose your friends based on common interest whether it’s being a college student, or the workplace. In your late 20’s, I feel you choose your friends on loyalty and trust. You don’t have all the time as you did growing up so you base your friendship around those who make time for you around your schedule.

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Kendra: Do you think we value friendship more as teens or adults, and why?

Maria: I believe we value friendship more as adults. I say that because the older you get, the easier it is to get stuck in your routine, adult life that you forget to take a step back and enjoy the little things in like being spending time with friends and living life.

Kendra: So your BFF has went and become a mom. When one friend seems to take that route and the other doesn’t – it can cause a little strain for some. Why do you think that hasn’t happened for you two?

Maria: Sara becoming a mom hasn’t changed our friendship at all or caused a strain. If anything I feel that it has brought us that much closer. I am the godmother to both her sons, and knowing that she has that much trust and faith in me to give me that title means so much to me. I know how hard it is to trust anyone with your kids and her allowing me to be in her life and her children’s lives means a lot to me. We have been through so much in the past 14 years that it was a natural transition for us to carry our friendship over into her becoming a mother. She can’t get rid of me that easily!

Kendra: Spoiler alert: Maria announced she was having a baby after these questions were sent and I had to add this one – How much closer do you think now that you’ve found out you’re a mommy to be now?

Maria: Sara was the second person to find out that I was pregnant, I called her at 6:45am the morning I found out. She has been so supportive in the idea of us waiting to have kids. She wasn’t pushy like everyone else we knew. She has literally been by my side ever since, she constantly texts me to see how I’m feeling. And I know I can go to her with all my dumb questions! Knowing that I get to experience this wonderful new journey with my best friend is probably one of the best feelings you can have. It’s like “wow, this is what life is all about!” I know even though our kids are going to be far apart, they will have the same bond as Sara and I do *insert ugly Kim K crying face here*

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Kendra: Nowadays we’re always oversharing thanks to social media. With that, sometimes we hear news that way from people we love instead of from them personally. Do you and her ever share on social media first before talking with one another, and if so – do you get offended by that?

Maria: Me personally, I have become very private with what I do and do not share on social media; not everyone deserves to know your business. I don’t think there has been an instance where we have posted about a major event or incident before contacting each other. If anything, she is the first person I call/text when something happens. Even if it’s something silly like me dying my hair or buying a new pair of shoes. Same thing with Sara, I’m always one of the first person aside from her partner and family to find something out. And I think it comes from both of us having that trust and excitement to share things with each other before we decide if we want to share it on social media.

Kendra: What advice do you have for adult friends who are having a hard time staying as close as they once were?

Maria: I say to not take people for granted. Even if your friends asks you to run to target with them, take the time to do so. You never know when life will snatch that person out of your life. I say this from personal experience (Anthony’s passing). And also, don’t get offended when your friends start to develop new friendships with other people, it doesn’t mean you are being replaced, it’s just part of growing up.

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