Making friends is one of the most normal part of human interaction. Pre-school – we’re friends with whoever our parents put us with. Their friends have kids and those kids wind up being the ones we play with when our parents get together. Then we go to school and based proximity – our friends are likely people in our class. Hey, out of 30 kids – you have to find at least one who likes the same cartoons as you. Growing up location has less to do with it and we’re more focused on those who share our common interests. As we become adults, I personally believe, it’s our tax bracket that makes us better friends. A well-off person is going to grow tired of inviting their broke friend out; think about it. No matter how we come to be friends though, the other normality of human interaction is that not off friendships last. Growing apart is natural and well, it happens and we shouldn’t feel bad when it does.
Are you still besties with the person you met your first day of school – ever? I’m Facebook friends with her, but do we meet up every year for a hang sesh? Nope. Come middle school we found different groups of people who met out then needs, and that was okay. We didn’t force ourselves to stay together because I think at 12, we just knew we didn’t have much in common anymore. We still said hey to one another in the halls and on the bus, but we no longer needed one another. Carlin Flora noted the idea of drifting apart in Friendfluence, “[It] can happen when you grow and change while your friends contentedly stay where they are or when you haven’t quite figured out your own talents and beliefs and are particularly susceptive to conforming to the values of those who surround you.” At 12, that didn’t really relate but I can see what Carlin was saying in respects to many adult friendships.
The first time you’re an adult and have friends for most is college, but let’s be real – legally you’re an adult, but in reality – you’re still like a child. A few years post-college, that’s when the adult mindset starts to kick in…for some. Those who have matured, likely start to drift from their friends who haven’t. For example Drake and Josh (great names for friends) may have been the best of friends all four years of college when things were easy, but now at almost 30 – Josh is working steadily with a fiance, while Drake is still drinking every night thinking their Frat days never ended. Driving in different lanes now, Drake and Josh have drifted. Not to say they can’t hang out from time to time, but in reality – let’s be real, they are just in different places and not the best fit for one another anymore. Not a bad thing, just a natural occurrence.
Natural, but it can become heartbreaking when it comes to the big one – the best friend. Growing apart from a regular friend is one thing, but your BEST FRIEND? Talk about end of the world. Mindy Kaling said this true as fuck statement in Why Not Me? “It’s traumatizing to think a best friend could become just a friend.” Alas, it happens for some and it’s not the end of the world when it does, it just means that at that point in your life – you are not compatible, and it’s time to move onward and find more fitting pieces of your puzzle. Here’s the thing though, unlike regular friends, best friends have the adjective “best” because in most cases – they can withstand even the toughest times. A true best friendship can go on hold for a few months, and pick back up where it left off. Note though, this is only for the true best friends – not those BFFs who’ve only held the title for like a month. It takes a lifetime to be true.
Making friends is something everyone will do at least a few times in life, and hey – you can make em, but keeping them for life? It will not happen. You will lose them throughout your life due to a lot of things, but growing apart is one of the main reasons and you shouldn’t feel bad or awkward when that time comes because it’s a natural part of life. Life is all about evolving and with each year we change and when we do, some friends just don’t fit your lifestyle anymore. Which is fine, you’ll make more. Don’t try and hold onto a friendship for shits and giggles either, or nostalgic purposes. I mean, you can be cordial with everyone, but don’t hold onto hope you’ll be the same pair you were today as you were yesterday if you or both of you have changed even the slightest in the past year or so. Know when it’s time to let the drift happen, unless you are true best friends – true BFFs, those are forever.
This week we’ll talk to a girl who has a true BFF, talk about your scene, get into some Frasier and look at a top 10 that has yet to be decided – so you’ll see come Friday.