Month: April 2016

The Haves: Top 10 Places to Retire

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So you’re doing well for yourself now. Maybe everything else in your life is shit, but you’ve got a 401k (cool, I guess?) and if you stick with this job you’re at – hey, you could be sitting pretty in retirement one day. With that, you may want to check out these places I think are the top 10 places to retire to when the time comes.

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When It All Falls Down: The Jacqueline White Scenario

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Have you gotten around to binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt yet? If not, you are allowed to leave this post immediately to watch. For the rest of you, you know all about Jacqueline White and her first world problems. A rich trophy wife ended up losing her financial comfort zone via divorce. Of course you learn that she grew up with less than on a Native American reservation, but wanted nothing more than to ditch that place for city living. Then comes the divorce where she only got a few million and wound up back with her parents. Yes, only a few – but come season two we see a newish Jacqueline, but not before we witness what it’s like when you pull the expensive ass rug out from a Have.

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Please Don’t Tell Me You’re Broke Unless You’re Arm is in a Cast

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Hearing people talk about how “broke” they are when they just dropped $200 on this, $100 on that and took a weekend trip to Maui makes me cringe inside. Just be cool with having money and don’t try and play the broke card when you’re far from it. People with money don’t bother me. It’s the ones who don’t realize just how much of a “Have” they really are. If I had financial freedom, I can assure you I’d likely still be cheap because I was raised by a woman who will never spend more than $5 on a pair of shoes, and thinks the legit 99 Cent Store is fancy. While still cheap in this fantasy world, I would like to think I’d never utter the words “I’m totally broke right now.” Maybe it’s because I find it as offensive as those people who wear glasses that are void of prescriptions. Why play poor when you’re fine on the money side?

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A One-Sided Conversation with a Have

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First I couldn’t get anyone to open up about student loans, and now here we are interviewless when it comes to talking with someone who considers themselves well off financially. The woman set to do this interview was an old friend from high school who’d moved to a far off land known as “anywhere past Vegas because that’s far in my book.” She was down to answer the 1 questions I sent over to her, but then life happened – she became a new mom, and from what I know based on TV and movies, a newborn is quite the handful. So I am sitting here wishing her and the baby the best, while figuring out how to go about the following. Without her intake I can only dive into the questions and discuss what I was hoping to learn from her.

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The Haves: 401 Whats?

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Student loans are possibly the biggest low of getting a higher education when you realize you’re in a job that doesn’t make enough to pay back said loans. Unless of course you’re one of the privileged who still bank on parental units, if not you’re in the broke category of life. All of that said, we’ve already talked about each of those, so today we’re focusing on a sector of people I am the furthest from, the people whose savings accounts allot them to lead a life where finances are never really an issue. They rarely have to check their accounts on their phone to ensure they can pay for a refill at 7-Eleven. These people have a 401k, and actually know what that means. I on the other hand will admit right now that I had no clue and actually had to look it up while at the library. Which thanks to Ellie Williams’ All about Your 401k Plan: Simple Answers to Securing Your Financial Future, I learned it was when your job takes money from your check and puts it towards retirement. When you’ve never had a “real” job, this is an absolutely foreign concept.

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